I turned 26!

When I was 7, I thought any age more than 25 is very old. Well, now I'm here.

Two months ago, I resigned from the aged care that I worked in for the past two years. Opportunity came and I took the offer, didn't put much thoughts to it, until my last day at work when reality hit. It suddenly dawned on me on how difficult it was, because I'm not really just leaving that work place and my colleagues per say I'm also leaving behind 90 elderly people who I have been caring for..who I've come to know and love. It became one of the most difficult thing that I had to face, I was extremely sad and literally curled in bed that weekend drowning in sorrow. I regretted my decision but knew that there was no turning back.

Two weeks before my birthday I was buried until a pile of work in my new job. I still thought of my previous work place, and the people there. So I thought, what better way of celebrating my birthday than visiting everyone there, I know that will definitely make me happy! So I took matter into my own hand and applied for leave.

So I was there yesterday, soaking up all the love and comfort from colleagues who have become my friends and residents who are like my grandmothers and grandfathers to me. They didn't have to know it was my birthday. I was very happy, and satisfied. Just the way I'd like to spend my day. I wouldn't say it's very memorable - it wasn't a big party and there was no surprise element, but I'd like to think that it is very, very meaningful.

Life after 21

My parents came for a three weeks visit. Few years ago, I would think that it's a long visit but now I don't even think it's close to being enough.

I was in the shower few days after they left and thought how quiet the house is without them. My dog looks and acts like she's depressed without their presence. I feel weird without them too. The only one who's close to normal is the boyfriend. It's funny to think that 3 years ago I would hate the idea of them visiting, let alone the idea of living together with my parents...now I don't seem to even mind and I actually missed the feeling of living at home.

I miss the feeling of not having to worry about house hold chores; coming home to home-cooked dinners; going out with my parents on weekend, having breakfast with them; not having to do the washing and folding and having guidance from them.

These are just the few very obvious ones.

Not all there

I feel particularly weird tonight - one of those days where you don't feel so good but you feel like you almost do not have the reason to feel this way. I feel like keeping to myself very much, and when I usually do, I tend to want to do a lot of thinking but not tonight. No thinking, maybe just some expressing to do.

I once talked to an old lady, who told me that life is all about purposes - when you were 18, you looked forward to graduating uni; when you finished uni, you looked forward to work; when your career was stable, you looked forward to finding a life partner, having children, grandchildren so on and so forth but when you have done all that, the only thing that awaits is death and life has lost its purpose. I am not anywhere near that stage yet but I guess my life is so stable now and I can almost see what comes next and to be honest, I feel that this is it! Well - sort of, if you get what I mean.

Am I weight down by responsibilities? Maybe. Maybe I am not ready for all these yet? Maybe all I want isn't a mortgage now but the endless shopping spree and exotic holidays on the other side of the world? Maybe I want to feel the adrenaline pump and the jitters of a first date again? I don't know. I feel guilty for feeling this way sometimes, I have so much in my life that some people would kill for, I feel like a total ungrateful idiot - so what am I complaining about again?? I don't know!

I think I just need a good 12 hours sleep.

So true

"I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason."

-- Stanley Baldwin, Prime Minister of UK 1923-1929.

Christmas Spirit

I think everyone should visit a nursing home on Christmas period to see how lucky we are as compared to the residents. Christmas time is a reminder to us to give generously if we can and to rejoice on how fortunate we are to be able to celebrate this festive season with our loved ones.


I want to celebrate Christmas in a very simple and basic way this year. I think working in aged care facilities has taught me to appreciate simpler things more. So this year, we're not spending big or going anywhere, just a quiet family lunch at our place. I want to be able to savour and appreciate every warm moments that I can have with closed and loved ones.

Life, the cruel side.

I've always question life in a very subtle way but recent events that unfold serve a reality check for me. Someone I worked with was involved in an accident during her holiday and has left her paralysed neck down for the rest of her life. Another, has found out that she has cervical cancer. Both girls are only 29. Both have the same occupation as me.

Our occupation require us to deal with unfortunate and disabled clients almost everyday yet there never has been one second that I thought that could have happened to me or someone close to me - that we are always on our side of the game and position - we're the professionals and they're the clients. Subconciously, I thought we're invincible. I tried to think that because she is an Occupational Therapist surrounded by many others that she know, she's going to get the best care out of it; but...on the flip side, because she's an Occupational Therapist, she knows what ahead of her more than an ordinary client, she could already see the hurdles that is waiting ahead for her.

I spent my week at work drowning myself in horrible thoughts, mainly thinking of her and the types of changes that she needs to go through - emotionally, physically, environmentally and most of the time I had to stop myself from thinking because it's just far too cruel. I've received numerous phone calls from colleagues who's working with me who used to work with her, and had to go through the whole process of explaining. And then I had to make numerous phone calls to OTs that I know who may be able to spare a few hours to cover her shift for her for the next months until she's rehabilitated and ready to come back to work - which, to be honest, I'm not even sure if she can. I'm not so close to her to cry for her yet close enough to be bothered by the fact that this succesful 29 year old, soon to be engaged, who has a 700 thousand home loan is at rock bottom now with no income insurance and distorted life direction. And maybe the fact that my life is so similar to her's prior to her accident, that's left me feeling so much for her.

Events like this is never part of the plan we have for our lives; we plan to finish studying and work and get a house, then get married and have children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Yet the likelihood of bad things happening is as comparable to the likelihood of the good. I'm not sure how she's going to be able to cope but I am certain that if I'm in her position, the last thing that I want is to live and face life.

Key to the door

I got the keys to my first home today! Yay!



We packed our last weekends with furniture and home decors shopping. I've got a good idea of what I want to put in the house. The boyfriend is busy planning to build a patio and a water feature for the courtyard. I think he's more excited than me, infact, everyone is more excited than me - my finance broker, my friends, my colleagues, my settlement lawyer. I did not feel the excitement until today, partly because today I've become a legal dog owner. Lol. Let's just say that finally no one can say to me, "You know you're not supposed to have a dog in your property?". And, I know I can paint the house in whatever colour that I like. But most importantly, because I can finally turned my house into my home. =]